An Entirely Infuriated Review of "Metal Slinger"
I have officially lost faith in humanity (or maybe just BookTok)
1 star, this would be less if my rating system went any lower but I have to set boundaries somewhere :/
**This review contains spoilers**
Book: Metal Slinger by Rachel Schneider, 2024
Where oh where do I even start with this book? This novel has 4.3 stars on Goodreads - the internal rage fuelled by this rating was boundless and unrelenting, and came flooding out of me in the form of a vitriolic 30-minute rant to my long-suffering flatmate. I can honestly say I didn’t enjoy anything about this book (apart the twistedly masochistic satisfaction I get after a good hate read). Everything from the characters’ names (Jovie and Acker? In a fantasy setting? I have never heard more Millennial names in my life) and stilted interactions to the boring romantic buildup and the overwhelmingly nonsensical ending drove me insane - and I am now scarred forevermore.
A lot of the conversation that takes place between Jovie and Acker reads very strangely and seems illogical, with many of Jovie’s reactions being unprecedented and not making sense in the context of the conversation that is being had. I think the author wanted to add more conflict to the relationship and depth to Jovie’s character, but had no idea how to build this up - instead she writes Jovie to react poorly to completely normal conversation in order to paint Jovie as being “defiant” and “independent”. Does this work? No - Jovie instead comes off as a bit dim and uncomprehending (which is unintentionally hilarious, but does nothing to improve her personality).
All the characters in this book are very flat with no defining personality traits, and the romance that is building between Acker and Jovie is so mind-numbingly overdone, predictable and boring that it wasn’t even fun to read. While the romantic element in Romantasy books is often repetitive of the genre and a bit silly, it is usually still a fun and entertaining part of the book - something that is crucial in a genre which relies so heavily on the romance. But Metal Slinger has none of the heart-warming excitement of a flirty, budding romance between two actually interesting characters possessing thought-out personalities; Jovie and Acker have about as much depth as a dried-up puddle, and their romance falls flat on its back. It seems that they fall in love only because of their (extremely predictable) mating bond, especially since it’s clear Jovie isn’t even able to carry a normal conversation without having an unexplainably stupid reaction.
“Dang Rabbits”. Dear God I never thought I’d see the day where these words were actually published in a real book, not just once but MULTIPLE TIMES throughout this piss-poor excuse for a novel. Every time I came across this phrase I felt unbridled fury build up inside and threaten to annihilate my Kindle. Unfortunately for the book, this phrase first appears at the very beginning - which was both an indication of where this book was heading (the trash) and how I would feel about it (unparalleled hatred). This is just one of the many examples of how the language in this book completely breaks the immersion of the fantasy setting; many novels within the romantasy genre fall prey to this trap, but none have ripped away the immersion quite as effectively as this one.
Now let’s talk about the ending. It’s been a good couple of months since reading this book, yet I cannot seem to escape its loathsome grasp. I see this book mentioned in nearly every “Top 10 Most Underrated Romantasy Books of 2024” review video. Every BookTok/Instagram Romantasy content creator raves about this book and its “incredible plot and super unpredictable twist ending”. Was it unpredictable? Yes - because it made absolutely zero sense whatsoever and didn’t even remotely fit in with the rest of the story. The entire book is narrated by Jovie, the FMC, who has no idea of her true lineage as the Princess of the Kingdom of Maile, until Acker reveals her identity and whisks her away on a boat to be reunited with her mother. Jovie, prior to this, shows no indication that she knows of her lineage, nor of anything related to the rebellion that is brewing to besiege the leaders of Kenta and Alaha. She does not know who Acker is, and does not display any signs of rebellious or plotting behaviour. She falls in love with Acker organically and was shocked when she was told that Kai was manipulating her with his persuasion magic. Up until the end of the book, this all makes sense and we trust Jovie’s narration, not having been given a reason to suspect otherwise.
At the end of the book however, Jovie reveals that she is somehow the leader of the rebellion, and has been plotting to kill the entirety of the court of Kenta so as to overthrow the King. She knew about the rebellion the whole time, and was plotting with Kai and Beau to go behind Acker’s back and get rid of both the kingdoms’ leaders. This makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE when we look back at Jovie’s narration - she had no clue what was going on beforehand and was even confused that there were rumours of a rebellion she had heard nothing about. If the book was narrated through Acker’s or another character’s perspective, this ending would have made more sense, but you cannot change the narrating character’s entire motives and personality just to add a twist to the story! There was 0 foreshadowing of this, no indication whatsoever that Jovie knew more than she was letting on. A twist ending is not SMART when it makes no sense looking back through the book! No wonder the reader can’t see the ending coming: that's just because it doesn't fit AT ALL with the prior narration, plot and characters in general. This ending just shows the author wanted to have a shock twist without taking the time to think about the story as a whole and make the ending fit into the rest of the book. Absolutely ridiculous and made no sense at all - sometimes a book's ending really improves the plot and even (for me at least) boosts its rating up another star. This ending pissed me off so much I would've rated the book 0 stars if I could have. DON’T WRITE A TWIST EDING IF YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO MAKE IT SMART! I would rather a predictable, slightly boring ending than a wild twist that completely derails the narration and makes me lose trust in the author’s critical thinking skills and plot capacities!
Sloppy writing, truly poor dialogue, nonsensical plot, no chemistry between the MCs and an excruciatingly ill-thought out ending. All in all definitely Metal Slinger was definitely not worth the hype and doesn’t deserve its absurdly high rating - BookTok please go read other books - just because the MMC has dark hair, likes knives and kills people doesn't mean it's a good book.